REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo of America filed a lawsuit against your mom for referring to competing video game consoles as “Nintendos,” according to a press release.
“The Defendant flagrantly credited the brand integrity and quality products of Nintendo to hardware that is demonstrably incapable of rendering a short Italian man,” the lawsuit alleges. “She has had 38 years and six generations of Nintendo consoles to learn the difference. Continued negligence can only be considered willful defamation.”
The filing identifies a statement made this past Thanksgiving as reason for the legal action. While waiting for the turkey to cook, your mom paged through Black Friday circulars, noticed a deal on PlayStation 5 games, and remarked, “Gosh, how many Nintendos are they up to now?” It is unclear how Nintendo heard of this.
Your parent’s lawyer-friend stepped in to provide context on the situation.
“I’m not even sure what they’re suing for,” said the attorney “Is it copyright infringement? They never used those words. Sure used the word ‘damages’ a lot, though.”
The announcement of the lawsuit is very extensive.
“Nintendo of America claims this willful negligence has led to an incalculable sum of lost revenue from friends, coworkers, and relatives who purchased the wrong consoles, video games, and accessories after hearing your mom incorrectly identify them. It is seeking $3.8 million in damages, factored as $100,000 for every year she could’ve misapplied the Nintendo trademark since the North American launch of the Nintendo Entertainment System.”
Your parent’s lawyer-friend hopes to have the charges dismissed out of hand. Barring that, he’s optimistic for a reduced fine.
“Look, it wouldn’t have even been that confusing until Sega showed up in the early 1990s, so that’s at least five, six grand off the top. I used to play Mario and Sonic with my kids. I probably made the same mistake she did,” said the lawyer-friend, before hearing Nintendo’s lawyers knocking on his door to serve him another lawsuit.
Your mom could not be reached for comment, but your dad issued a statement that she’d call back once he’s done watching Blue Bloods.
Hard Drive has also reached out to Nintendo for further information and is currently pending its own litigation for writing “Nintendo” in the email body without the little R in a circle next to it.
