DAVENPORT – Fortnite’s recent decision to include age ratings has upset many of its most loyal fans, but a young fan may just be the most disappointed of them all, according to reports.
“That new update is so gay bro,” said Braxtyn James, an eighth-grader at Bill Fitch Middle School. “Me and my boys have been playing Fortnite for four years now, and they’re just going to tell us that it’s for kids? After all the V-Bucks we got our parents to buy us, we can’t even use our matching Venom skins? Nobody plays that stupid game anymore because of it,” James wailed. “If you play Fortnite, you seriously have no rizz. From now on, we’re only playing games that take us seriously, like Minecraft.”
While James says his anger lies in Epic’s age gates, someone close to the situation has another take.
“I think he’s just so upset because his little brother Kassady started playing that game a couple of days ago. He really looks up to him and thought playing Fortnite would make him cool,” said Eloise Jones, his mother. “I think it was less any change in the game that made it ‘cringe’’ to his friends and more when Kass joined their squad in the middle of a game and everyone overheard me telling him to take out the garbage. The same thing happened with Among Us a few years back,” she continued. “I’m not going to force him to play the game – Maybe it’ll finally make him go outside and play for once.”
As of press time, we were able to catch a glimpse of James’ current acts of protest against Epic Games, including a nostalgia-fueled TikTok video set to MGMT’s ‘Little Dark Age’.
