In 1987 SquareSoft released the surprise RPG hit Final Fantasy. The game’s whirlwind success created gaming’s most ironically named long-running franchise. Each entry is set in a new world but with certain recurring motifs. One of the longest-running of these motifs is having a guy named Cid.
While there isn’t any direct connection between the various Cids of Final Fantasy they’re usually mechanics of some kind. They’re also often older than the party of plucky teens Final Fantasy loves so much. The combination of these two defining characteristics imbues Cid with indisputable stepdad energy.
We’ve all daydreamed about which Cid we’d want to marry our divorced mom and at long last we have a definitive ranking.
#15 — Cidolfus Demen Benusa (Final Fantasy XII)
The guy’s middle name is literally demon but spelled wrong. He will literally try to murder you and your plucky group of friends. Steer your mom away from this guy and any other guy named “D. Mon” or Matt Damon or whatever. They’re all bad news.
#14 — Cid Fabool IX (Final Fantasy IX)
Don’t let this loser fool you with his charm and vast wealth. His last marriage ended when his wife caught him stepping out and turned him into a bug. If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is. Not only is this creep a serial cheater, but his time in animal bodies makes him do weird animal shit. He still scurries away frantically when a light comes on from his time as a bug. He claims he’s always sticking his tongue out because he was a frog once, but you’re pretty sure you caught him doing it once and then winking at a barista.
#13 — Cid Kramer (Final Fantasy VIII)
The most insidious Cid on this list. Both you and your mom will be charmed by this harmless-looking, sweater vest-wearing dweeb. He treats you both well and even offers to send your little brother to the exclusive academy he’s the headmaster of. Then one day the FBI shows up and arrests him for training a child army. If your mom ends up with this guy do NOT let him send you to his “school.”
#12 — Cid Raines (Final Fantasy XIII)
This guy is just way too into politics. Like, to the point you don’t even know which side he’s on with any issue. You once made the mistake of asking his opinion on gun control and two hours later you snapped back to focus and realized he was describing a local ordinance, and then he looked at you and concluded with, “so that’s the highlights.”
#11 — Cid Sophiar (Final Fantasy XV)
This Cid’s a nice guy you’ve known your whole life because he was your dad’s best friend. That shouldn’t matter, but it weirds you out anytime you see him kiss your mom. Maybe, you’d have an easier time moving past that fact but he talks about some road trip he went on with your dad constantly.
#10 — Cid (Final Fantasy II)
This Cid is the ultimate latchkey stepdad. He treats your mom well, but barely even seems to know you exist unless he’s giving you a lecture about borrowing his car. Somehow every lecture ties into his time as a knight. If he ever catches you with pot he will literally call the cops, even if it’s legal.
#9 — Cid (Final Fantasy XI)
There’s nothing wrong with this guy, but you just can’t seem to remember anything about him. Even years after your mom marries him, you call him “Buddy” because you’re not entirely sure if his name is Cid or Sam. You’ll never get what your mom sees in him. He’s nice enough but his eyes glaze over unless he’s talking about airships. You’re pretty sure he can’t read.
#8 — Cid Pollendina (Final Fantasy IV)
Cid Pollendina may not be the best stepdad on this list but he is the most fun. He won’t just let you throw a party while your mom is out of town he’ll buy you and your friends a keg. He’ll also tell very graphic jokes you know should come off as creepy, but he makes it work. You’re 75% sure he’s on meth.
#7 — Cid (Final Fantasy X)
At first, this Cid seems like a real asshole. He’s gruff and loud and always yelling, plus he’s always hanging out with his weirdo son confusingly named Brother. Then, one night, you watch Field of Dreams together and he cries like a baby. From that day forward he’ll be surprisingly sensitive and open with you. He’s the kind of stepdad you can crack a beer open with and have a heart-to-heart. Unfortunately, his weird son never moves out.
#6 — Cid Garlond (Final Fantasy XIV)
Cid Garlond seems like the perfect stepdad. He treats both you and your mom well. He’s nice, smart, and charming. Unfortunately, there’s a time limit on his relationship with your mother, because his true love is his rival Nero. It’ll take a while for Cid to realize he’s falling for his so-called enemy, but it’ll be a bubbling source of tension. Then, one day he’ll just be gone leaving a note for your poor mother explaining that he has to follow his heart.
#5 — Cid Highwind (Final Fantasy VII)
Cid Highwind has a lot of flaws. He’s a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, curmudgeon. He day drinks. He calls you &#$%$ and *@!% which might be slurs. So why is he ranked so high? Because he’s a goddamn astronaut, that’s why.
#4 — Cid Previa (Final Fantasy V)
Cid Previa is a big old dork. He’s the kind of guy who will woo your mom with obscure Greek poetry he personally translates. But don’t worry, he’s not some stodgy academic with no practical skills, he can also fix the dishwasher when it breaks. He might not have much in common with you, but there’s no denying he’s a real catch. Good for you Mom.
#3 — Cidolfus Telamon (Final Fantasy XVI)
Cid is a sweet, down-to-earth, funny guy. He’s also a really good dad who will instantly take you in and treat you like his own child. He’s basically the perfect dreamy daddy. For your mom, of course. Not for you. I mean, you’re not jealous of your own mom. That would be ridiculous. But if you were, it wouldn’t be that weird because he’s like, basically your age.
#2 — Cid Del Notre Marquez (Final Fantasy VI)
This guy would straight up commit treason for his adoptive family. If that’s not the sign of a top-tier stepdad I don’t know what is. He’s a big teddy bear who just wants everyone to be safe and happy no matter what. It would be a shame if something awful happened to such a nice guy. But you’d never let that happen, right? RIGHT?
#1 — Cid Haze (Final Fantasy III)
Cid Haze is a jolly, silly, old dude with big Santa Claus vibes. But what makes him the number one stepdad is that he’ll always put your mom first. This dude sidetracked a quest to save the world to take care of his sick wife. He’s also just the cutest little old man. He literally wears feathers in his hat.
