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Parents Desperately Trying to Flush Son’s Dead Gyarados Before He Gets Home

CERULEAN CITY — Parents of local fisherman trainer Benny Crimson reportedly panicked after trying to flush their son’s Gyrados down the toilet before he returned from school.

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck! It’s not going down!” An alarmed Theresa Crimson said, repeatedly shoving a plunger on the giant water/flying type. “Oh, God, Benny can’t see this, it’ll crush him. He’s not ready to cope with death, even if it’s a giant mythical water dragon. Hurry, he just got out of school, he’ll be home any minute. Maybe if we chop it up it’ll flush down easier? I guess I could try and get one of my Pokémon to use Cut on it.”

Benny’s father, Thomas Crimson, explained the plan put into place to hide the pet’s death from their son.

“The deal we struck is that she flushes the original Gyrados, while I go buy a new Magikarp and try to train it up and evolve it before our son gets home,” Crimson said. “So there I am in the front yard throwing a Magikarp at every rat and caterpillar I can find hoping to rush this stupid thing to level 20 in time for Benny’s schoolbus. We could’ve just taken the thing to the PokeCenter or bought a revive, but we didn’t just faint the Gyrados with a Pokemon, I hit it with my truck pulling out of the driveway. So this thing is gone. Look, I know what you’re thinking. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. That’s in the past now, I’m just trying to do damage control.”

At press time, sources close to the situation reported a pleased Benny returned to find a new Gyrados alive and well, after the trainer deliberately put it in the driveway in order to get a new Pokémon with better EVs.

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