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Pokémon Champion Suspended After Attempting to Register Pikachu Nicknamed “Fucker”

RUSTBORO CITY — Rising star Pokémon trainer and recent Hoenn champion Ashton Mitchum, 12, has been put on indefinite suspension for trying to register a Pikachu nicknamed “Fucker” with the league’s Hall of Fame.

“C’mon it’s seriously not a big deal, I thought it was funny,” said Mitchum when questioned on his motives for the sickening act. “I know like three other guys at my school who called their Pokémon like, way way worse stuff. My friend Gary called his Blastoise Butt-Toys. Like stuff you put in your ass. That’s way more grosser. Why are they picking on me?”

While Mitchum seemed to be deflecting and downplaying his critics, Pokémon League officials made their disappointment abundantly clear.

“This is behavior we would expect from some other trainers, but not our Ashton,” said current Elite Four member and League chairman Drake. “He is a talented and bright young man, but this sort of behavior has to be nipped in the bud. Pokémon are not meant to be named such obscenities. They are our companions and they deserve the dignity and respect that comes with being categorised by their species in all caps, followed by an identifying mark of their gender. Anything else is an affront to everything we stand for.”

Mitchum’s suspension may be escalated to a permanent ban after an investigation into his personal PC, which has already been found to contain Pokémon nicknamed “Mother Fucker,” “Cock Sucker,” “Poop Shit Ass,” and “Jeremy.”

When approached for comment about these latest revelations, Mitchum could be heard through tears, muttering, “Just please don’t tell my mom, man.”