AUSTIN — Since its announcement, fans of Legacy of Shane: Blood Reaper and its deep mythology have been eager to jump back into the remaster of the classic 1999 game. Upon release, not everyone is as thrilled.
“Where in Christ am I supposed to find the fire temple?” asked Sam Bradley, an employee at the mall Wetzel’s Pretzels. “I don’t remember any of this stuff. I worked three dozen jobs, had two kids, and one divorce since this originally came out,” said the braggart.
While longtime fans are thrilled to re-enter the lore-heavy world of their youth, new players are frustrated by the nonsensical map, poorly lit areas, and all the game-breaking bugs that remain from the original release.
“I know everyone thinks my generation just plays Fortnite but this is legit frustrating,” said Thora Birch, an employee of Auntie Anne’s Pretzels further down the mall. “All the winding hallways lead to rooms that look identical to the last. How did anyone finish this game?” asked the idiot who clearly doesn’t understand the revolutionary disc-streaming technology developed before they were born.
Gamefaqs.com celebrated the highest traffic they’d had in years as players try to understand ancient block puzzles and why the fire sword is in the water temple. Hardcore fans praise the third party that developed the remaster since all they did was port the GoG patch to Steam, upscaled the textures, and left the bugs intact.
“This is how you remaster a game!” half a dozen YouTube thumbnails exclaim, the hosts all in front of identical Funko Pop walls. One YouTuber, Jman85, stood out as his review was done at his job working at Philly Pretzel Factory.
At press time, the developers announced plans to modernize the game by introducing a series of game breaking patches all released within the coming months.
