MUSHROOM KINGDOM —A damning report from the website Nintendo Life alleges that popular Mario Kart racer Baby Mario benefits from nepotism and is what’s come to be known as a “nepo baby,” and therefore didn’t truly earn their spot on the roster.
“Wow man, that’s fucked up,” said local gamer Al Harris when he heard the news. “I know you can’t exactly help it if you’re a younger version of Mario that’s somehow coexisting with his adult form, but it’s a little lame to just coast into his family business and not have to grind it out like us normies would, you know? His spot could easily go to some young kart racer that is working their ass off trying to make it. That baby is a real asshole, if you ask me.”
The author of the report said that nepotism runs rampant in more than just the go-kart racing world.
“Oh, it’s everywhere,” said Eve Shearer, who’s articles has made waves since it was posted yesterday. “I mean, when’s the last time you heard of someone storming Dracula’s castle that wasn’t related to the Belmont’s in some way? And as angry as some people get when they hear about these things, we must remember that our fascination with celebrities gives us all some culpability in this. Why do you think there have been so many seasons of Keeping Up With the Kong’s?”
Amid the controversy, Mario himself confirmed the report’s allegations.
“It’s-a true,” confirmed Mario Mario, namesake of the iconic Mario Kart Racing League. “The Baby Mario is-a me, Mario. I did not-a know how upset this would-a make all of you, and also I am a little surprised that nobody realized this before-a. I mean-a, look at the little guy, he’s-a got my eyes, and-a my hat!”
As of press time, another scandal had rocked the Mario Kart world when it was discovered that all of the Koopalings were related.