SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Video game publisher Activision has announced “Cabela’s Big Game Hunter: Endangered Species Edition” for high-ranking business executives and sons of prominent politicians, sources report.
“Our past hunting games were huge successes with our country’s working class, so we wanted to cater more towards the 1% with this release,” Activision spokesperson Andrew Morris said. “Everybody has heard stories of corporate officials going on controlled hunts in Africa to needlessly stalk and kill beautiful, majestic endangered species like elephants and rhinoceroses, so we wanted to convert that experience to a gaming setting. The result is a perfectly rendered simulation that should sate the bloodthirst of even the most sadistic members of the elite.”
Restaurateur and former chairman of Jimmy John’s sandwich chain Jimmy John Liautaud commented on the upcoming game.
“My current philanthropic work with the Liautaud Family Foundation doesn’t always allow me to go on African safari, so this is great,” Liautaud offered. “Of course, there’s no greater rush than sneaking up on a defenseless elephant and blasting its brains out for literally no reason, but this new game looks like it will be a perfectly serviceable simulacrum. The only missing feature is the ability to pose next to the corpses with a thumbs up, so I suppose that’ll have to wait until I can get back out to Namibia.”
Animal rights activist Rhonda McClain had mixed feelings about the release.
“The premise of this game is disgusting and something I would never play,” McClain remarked. “However, the ability to act out fantasies in a virtual setting is kind of the point with video games. If this keeps even one psychopathic aristocrat from killing an actual animal, I’m all for it. Hell, now that Trump is back in office, the American public should support Don Jr. and Eric playing this game. That would certainly be better than those two worthless idiots going on another African killing spree, especially because now they’d be doing so at the taxpayer’s expense.”
At press time, Activision was working on a “Most Dangerous Game” DLC expansion that would allow the player to hunt other humans.