SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk’s latest wave of firings has seen the dismissal of the man formerly in charge of making sure the Twitter CEO looked like absolute hell every time you saw him, sources have confirmed.
“Damn, not sure I’ll be able to find more work in this field,” said Cal Harper, who up until recently was in charge of laying out Musk’s awkwardly fitting wardrobe and coaching him on how to look out of place no matter what he was doing. “I thought he was joking when he brought me onboard a while ago to make sure he looked uncomfortable and inhuman on every occasion both public and private, but you know, I wasn’t going to say no to the money. This was the best job I ever had. He sent my family on a vacation after those pictures of him on that boat worked out so well for us.”
Musk defended the move, stating that he had learned enough to perform the tasks himself.
“Probably going to do his job from here on out,” he said. “No reason to pay someone to apply skin pastener and fuck my hair all up when I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself. Based on current trends, cases of me looking weird and bloated and making those dumb faces should be down to zero by late April.”
As of press time, the full time employee that was paid to hang around and talk about how strong Musk’s meme game was had also been dismissed.