One might think Bernie Sanders is an ideal presidential candidate, but this could not be further from the truth as he is actually the notorious villain, Count Olaf, in disguise.
My name is Klaus Baudelaire and with me are my sisters, Violet and Sunny. For the past year, our lives have been made miserable by a dastardly man named Count Olaf. In an attempt to steal our family fortune, he has assumed various identities from a herpetologist’s assistant to a peg-legged ship captain. And now, he is deceiving you all by disguising himself as a democratic candidate in the 2020 election with the fake name of “Bernie Sanders” in order to steal the inheritance owed to me and my family.
Strange as it may seem, this “Bernie Sanders” does not care about the American people. Medicare For All sounds like a good thing on paper. It also sounds like a good thing when spoken out loud and put into practice. Working families and individuals would be able to seek the medical attention they need and improve their lives substantially. However, this attractive proposal is funded by a tax on billionaires such as ourselves. This wealth tax is all a ruse for Count Olaf to trick voters into electing him so he can claim our fortune for himself. A ruse is an action intended to deceive someone.
This man is Count Olaf in disguise and we can prove it. “Feel The Bern” may appear at first to be a metaphorical call to action. It is actually a boastful taunt directed at my sisters and me as a reminder he burned down our family home and murdered our parents.
Count Olaf is wanted for suspicion of fraud, theft, murder, and child endangerment. It is no surprise he would employ nefarious political tactics such as promising to raise minimum wage to 15 dollars an hour and canceling college debt for over 45 million Americans. Nefarious means wicked or with criminal intent.
So when the primaries make it to your state, remember this: Bernie Sanders is not a progressive leader with a consistent history of promoting what is right in a world governed by corruption and arrogance. He is an evil socialist scheming to tax billionaire orphans out of their family fortune. A socialist is someone who advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.
Listen to the newest episode of our podcast, The Ace Watkins Presidential Hour: