Supervillains — those with great power who use it for nefarious purposes — need a stern talking to. It’s time to stop. Your villainy has gone too far and you are a stain on our society. I sincerely hope you read this and consider your actions.
Trying to take over the world, toppling cities, disrespecting our troops, fighting our superheroes… these are behaviors that are not good. If you are participating in these, you must cut it out. Now. Enough is enough.
In these troubling times, we need everyone on the same side. We cannot allow for these petty differences, between supervillains and superheroes, to tear us apart as we face a greater threat. We need to come together for the common cause and solve the problems that divide us later.
And many internet trolls will undoubtedly point out my various columns over the last few decades advocating for the need for supervillains. You think you’re so clever, don’t you? The times change and people do too. I may have been a staunch advocate for supervillains all the way back in the early 90s, until about 2018, but now I have changed my tune. Now I think supervillains need to stop and I’m the one stopping them via this column. Honestly, if you’re bringing this up right now, you’re just as bad as the supervillains, if not worse. So just shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck UP. SHUT UP.
Villains are bad. They need to cut it out. So look at me: STOP IT.
Listen to the newest episode of our podcast, The Ace Watkins Presidential Hour: