NEW YORK — Following the announcement that the WGA would be striking starting Tuesday, May 2nd, NBC revealed the strike will force them to speed up their plan of making The Voice the only show available on television.
“By 2024, The Voice was going to be the sole source of entertainment for anyone trying to watch TV. We’ve had this timetable locked in since the network started,” said Mark Lazarus, Chairman of NBCUniversal Television and Streaming. “This writer’s strike is unfortunate, but it also presents an opportunity to accelerate our plans. Soon, you won’t be able to swing a cat without hitting Blake Shelton’s beautiful, beautiful face.”
“Sure, The Voice has existed since 2011, but we want to make this very clear: if you don’t like seeing it 24/7 across all our channels, you have only these greedy writers to blame,” Lazarus explained. “If they would just write for us for free, everything would be fine and everyone would be happy. But nooooo.”
Lazarus held a press conference regarding this change from NBC’s headquarters earlier today. Attendees noted a distinct smell of brimstone radiating throughout the conference, and some swore they heard Lazarus’s voice double in on itself as his eyes began to glow.
“And I don’t mean we’re making The Voice the only TV show on NBC, we’re getting rid of all that other hokey trash,” Lazarus continued. “We won’t stop until even other networks have only The Voice to air. Every Ted Lasso, every The Last of Us, every The Mandalorian. Every show, every single episode, is going to succumb to the unbridled gelatinous cube of self-promotion that is The Voice.”
The Voice, which is now in its 122nd season since premiering in 2011, has faced its fair share of criticism for just being a tool for the judges to increase their clout and name recognition, but it’s also propelled several winners into the dumpster out back as soon as a new season starts.
“Oh, I love The Voice. It’s more than a show for me, it’s an experience,” said Marcus Clark, a visibly distressed fan blinking SOS in Morse Code. “I love Blake Shelton, and I love Kelly Clarkson. I love my family too, and I love NBC for helping them when they decided to watch something other than The Voice. I can’t wait to see them again!”
NBC has wasted no time in starting this transition to The Voice’s new regime. Having entered its 123rd season since that last paragraph, The Voice was last seen prowling outside the doors to ABC’s studio in Los Angeles. Residents are advised to remain indoors.